Chastity

"According to the Christian version, chastity does not mean absolutely rejection or contempt for human sexuality: it means rather spiritual energy that knows how to defend love from the dangers of selfishness and aggressiveness, and knows how to promote it towards its full realization."

Pope John Paul II.

 
 

The capacity to love of all human beings is so great that we follow someone we have never seen; Yes, we have felt and experienced his works through moments as simple as waking up every day. Love is fundamental, when we talk about interacting with another person. It does not matter if it is someone we consider friend, partner or mother. Love is different, but at the same time it is the same. Well-being is wanted for that being that is loved.

 

The human being is a social being by nature, a famous quote that has remained in history and was referred to by Aristotle. Man needs others to survive. It needs the other to interact and it needs the other because it was designed by God for that. Man develops an individual aspect that Aristotle mentioned as "being" in his personality and as he acquired notion of life, he experienced an aspect in society with others, so we evidenced the coexisting "co" aspect. There is no longer just one, but several in a society that forces us to always consider the other and keep him in mind. Among others, norms that man needs to co-live in society is behavior. That behavior is one when you are alone and it changes when you interact in society.

 

That individual development that Aristotle emphasized fulfills an objective that allows man to show a condition of non-self-sufficiency. The man alone is nothing without others. There are spiritual, affective, emotional, protective demands, etc., that need to be addressed by your own species. Communities appear. In these communities, ties are formed by qualities and similarities. If someone thinks or acts similar to another, they will tend to get along or at least interact more than with others. The study groups; Prayer groups are examples that man interacts in society, with communities, in a specific group, but from a personal development that he lived in his individual stage that will never end. The man will be able to interact in society, but there will be times when he will prefer to be alone.

 

These qualities that each one has, are sometimes recognized in others. Like a taste for a specific activity or for another person. That taste for someone makes us see that person different. Its defects, although recognized, are not looked at in the background and its virtues are weighed up. If the feeling is reciprocal, a loving relationship may arise and, at times, love may arise.

 

As sociable beings that we are, love is always present. But the love that is born in a dating relationship is always confused in a sexual relationship. By surrendering ahead of schedule, you lose perspective, and that relationship can usually end. If it is truly love, a valid question is: can you have a relationship without sex?

 

 

The human being is sexed by nature.

 

 

Man is capable of transforming that attraction to the other, into love. While animals, there is no attraction, you act on instinct. We can think before doing things, animals cannot.

 

 

Talking a bit about this

 

Can you have a relationship without sex? Yes. Is it done? No. It is already established that, when forming a relationship with another person, sex always has to go sideways in the relationship. It doesn't even look like a plugin. If I have a partner, I am assured of sex. Although it sounds cruel, it is the reality. It is the generalized thinking and unfortunately, it is socially accepted. It is normal. You can have a healthy relationship without sex. But not because either of them have problems to solve, but because the couple is betting on chastity. You have a dating relationship without healthy sex being chaste.

 

Chemically, a release of substances occurs in the brain when one is in love, which explains a little that a couple has sex. That is why it is always recommended to have a dating relationship when the two are fully mature. If the two of you are mature and want to have sex, you must face what happens in that encounter: a sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy. But reaching this situation, for many, is the first step, and not the last. The order is reversed. God created sex to enjoy it in marriage and only there, is it possible to assume responsibility for one of the many problems that appear when there is a sexual encounter. In marriage there is commitment, there is loyalty and, above all, love.

 

Going back to the chemicals that occur in the brain, there is one that is essential in three important ways in a woman's life, Oxytocin. By giving birth, the mother forges an unbreakable bond with her child: Oxytocin does a job of relieving pain. In lactation, the mother, who already has a bond with her child, enlarges it by feeding him, the Oxytocin generates attachment. And it goes hand in hand with a third occasion: when having sex, the woman becomes attached to her husband. That is why it is called "the hormone of love." Imagine how God arranged everything so that it only happened in the right place, that these three discussed situations take place within the marriage.

But we are talking about chastity. Chastity in courtship is where that love that materializes in marriage is based. In the courtship is where the relationship is truly built, which will germinate, God willing, from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife. The bride and groom meet and wait for each other. Well, that is the true objective of the courtship, to know the other. In marriage, the body is known.

 

"There is no greater show of love than waiting".

 

Everyone who follows God (no matter the religion), must always keep in mind three values ​​that are very important: love, faith and hope. Love because it is that feeling that drives you to achieve new things, to improve yourself. A love that you profess to your parents, friends and God, mainly. Faith because it is that belief in God and the security that is always with us. And hope because having that love of God, believing in Him, any difficult situation will be overcome. And if you are not going through a difficult situation, hope to continue receiving blessings. There are those who apparently have everything, but do not have love, faith and hope in their lives, which leads them to have nothing really. And there are those who, apparently have nothing, count and live that love, that faith and hope, and they have everything.

 

Chastity is vision. A vision it's a photograph of each one in the future, projected in the present and that generates passion or joy. My vision is to get married and have children, and in order to be able to fulfill that vision, I must be faithful to someone I do not yet know, and in double measure, I have the hope that there is a woman, somewhere that is saving for me. She's being faithful, but she doesn't know me yet. That training is the greatest token of love that my heart can save.

 

That great love that materializes in waiting and seeking the welfare of the other, without expecting anything in return. God created sex with two objectives: unitive and reproductive character. Reproductive, since it is at that moment where life is conceived. And unitive, because it is in that meeting where the union of the spouses occurs. So how can dating have a place when sex is meant for spouses?

 

When one person cares enough about the welfare of the other to abide by the law of chastity, their love, trust, and commitment increase, and the result is greater happiness and unity. In contrast, relationships that are based on sexual immorality deteriorate rapidly. Those who engage in sexual immorality often feel fear, guilt, and shame. Grudge, jealousy, and hatred soon supersede any positive feelings that may have ever existed in your relationship.

 

Chastity goes hand in hand with respect. Respect for oneself and for others. I fully trust that you have to be close to God to overcome the temptations of your day to day life. Pope Francis spoke of temptation: “Temptation is like a chained dog; with which you cannot fight; you just have to step aside”.

 

In ancient times man was known for his integrity. Chastity requires that we learn to control ourselves, to take control of our own body, our affections, our will. Learn to dominate ourselves freely. To be masters and lords of our person. The alternative is clear: man controls his passions and obtains peace, or he allows himself to be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.

 

Final notes

 

Chastity is the spiritual energy that frees love from all hatred, violence, and selfishness. Chastity is a virtue, a grace given by God to be free. A person who practices chastity is in full control of his emotions; He has self-control and a capacity for discernment that someone else may not have. All these virtues are achieved with union with God, because only in this way do we achieve that greater strength: spiritual, mental and physical. Human beings are weak in the face of temptations, if we are alone.

 

If we have that company of God, we will better face those temptations, the Lord is our shield against all the evil in the world. A chaste person knows how to appreciate life, knows how to appreciate friendship and knows how to appreciate his body. A body that is sacred. The Word says that the body is a temple, and therefore it must be cared for. We must take care of how we speak, how we observe and how we act. Our bodies were created in the image of God. It is a gift from Heavenly Father that allows us to experience mortality and continue to look more and more like Him. When we treat our bodies as a temple of God, we gain physical, emotional, and spiritual blessings.        

 

I answer the question " Can you live a relationship without sex?" with something simple. The difference between virtues and vices. A virtue and a vice come from the same base: a habit; what changes us is the nature of that habit and repetition. Making the decision to pray the rosary is a habit, doing it every day becomes a virtue. Reading is another habit, doing it every day is a virtue. Repeating good habits turns them into virtues and those virtues enrich the spirit. Smoking is a bad habit, doing it regularly becomes a vice. Eating junk food once in a while is not bad, but making it a habit it is. And being a bad habit, in short, like smoking, harmful to health. The difference between a bad habit and a good habit, or between virtues and vices is what you consider important. It is the story between the white wolf (virtues) and the black wolf (vice), who wins, the one you feed more. If you put aside vices you will be a better person, while enhancing those virtues that you are building.

 

Thinking that sex is normal and indispensable when dating is a bad habit. A vice accepted in society and that always hurts us. So, not only can you live a relationship without sex, it is necessary. And if they question you that sex is something you can't live with, I just think it's not true: you can't live without sleeping, eating, or breathing. There is no one who has died for lack of sex, at least I have not heard of that. Sex is a natural physical desire, but one that can be controlled. For me it has been a change and it has generated good things for my life. I finished this reflexive and personal essay with a phrase that a friend once told me.

 

 

"It is not repression; it is sharing with the most important person in your life"

Carlos González Prieto.

*Essay written registered and published by Luis Fernando Polo Makacio, on April 17, 2017. Any intention to publish this essay must have the permission of its owner and author (Luis Fernando Polo Makacio). Otherwise, you would be incurring in copyright violation.